Back to living

I have had a wonderful time getting to know so many internet friends and swapping fabric again, but the computer time has really done a number on me.
Lately I spend far too much time sittig here looking at this monitor.
I have had a flare up of the nerve issue I struggle with.
My arms simply cannot handle the computer time.
I also noticed the other night, while I sat chatting with a few friends...that my daughter was reading my son his bedtime story. I thought to myself perhaps it's time to step away from the internet again.
I tend to get very absorbed and forget what's going on around me.

The internet to me is a book. I can sit here for hours soaking it all up like a sponge, yet it's not the same as a book.
My library of how to and what's what books is extensive. I really don't need to search and google.

I spend hours pouring over blogs learning how they do what they do and wanting to be certain I do it the right way. Is there a right way?

Last night I was frightened. My injury is old, from a car acciddent, yet it flares up and starts all over. Something with the nerves in my neck and shoulder and then I can't feel my face, I have difficulty breathing and muscle contractions in my eye.
I've come to the realization that it's not worth it.

This is not the life I am trying to live.
All this time all I wanted was a peaceful healthy life.
I'm going to step away and take a break.
Time for healing.

I highly recommend some of the blogs in my sidebar. I have learned much from them and simply enjoy reading.
My garden thanks them.

My goal is to get back into all of the things I was trying to learn about being self sufficient and living a simple frugal life.
I will be posting on how that goes in the future.
Talk to you soon.

Winner of the fabric giveaway

The winner is deeplygreen



This was so fun I think I will have another giveaway this friday too.

Thank you again for all of your lovely comments. Your memories are wonderful and I relived some of those moments with you. We are very blessed are we not.

Overwhelmed

Did you ever have one of those days.....

I have so much to do that I have no idea where to start.
I tried to stay in bed today. Thought I'd just wait it out until tomorrow, lol.
The idea was quickly thrown out the window by my kids.

I enjoyed all of your comments so very much. Many of you brought tears to my eyes and I could often envision you back in that very moment.
How I miss my youth, yet not ;)

My hubby advised me to leave the contest open until tomorrow.
I will announce the winner monday morning. Mondays need some happiness.

Have a wonderful Fathers day.

I didn't have a dad, but I had a grandpa and he was my sunshine.
Oh how I miss him. Use to let me eat the carrots right out of the garden he did, yep.
If I ran into him in town he would pull his pockets inside out and dump all his change into my little hands, oh and sometimes he had rollos, mmmmmm.....chocolate.
We were camping and fishing partners. He showed his love for me in every little thing he did. I wasn't able to spend as much time with him as I would have liked.
I was kept pretty isolated, but I won't bore you with that nonsense.
My mom raised me the best she knew how for a young girl who's mother had just been killed. She loves me in her own special way and I respect her for that.

My grandpa passed away in 2001. I've missed him every day since.
Who's going to make my cherry chip birthday cakes and teach me about gardening, making salsa and smoking jerky?
I miss you Grandpa.
If you were here I'd sit on the arm of your easy chair like always and listen to your voice crack as you spoke with those tears in your eyes. So very sentimental. I think I got that from you.
Happy Father Day.

Sharing the fabric love Giveaway

I'm so sorry I'm never here.
I can blog all winter and spring, but the garden keeps me busy these days as well as spending time with my kiddos.

Yes, I do love nature and the earth and being frugal and everything good and innocent and sweet and all that.....I raise chickens...care for an organic garden...blah dee blah dee blah.....and I LOVE fabric.


Lately I've gotten back into sewing. I had forgotten how comforting it was to create.
When I was ill it was my therapy.
Unfortunately along with this sewing bug I've also found my addiction for fabric.
I think some of it delights me so much that I should frame it and slap it up on the wall or put it all in a glass case so I can sit for hours with my nose pressed against it drooling over my latest love.

Many of the fabrics I adore have special meanings.
For me the Heather Ross fabrics are all about memories. They reverse time and take me back to the very moment of delight and happy squeals of childhood.

They remind me of........this and that...
Some of you already know this story.
My childhood wasn't wonderful to begin with, yet who's is.
There was an incident with myself an older boy and the business end of a hammer when I was a little girl. To cover all of the stitches my mama put a kerchief on my head.
I remember going to the carnival and riding the carousel with that kerchief on.
Today one of my favorite fabrics is called kerchief girl.
There are also many Heather Ross fabrics that take me back... dream bikes, because I owned that bike, fish in bags, won them at the carnival, recess, the playground in elementary school,beach, going to the coast, mermaids, ponies, gnomes, etc......

Perhaps looking at the fabric brings me more joy than sewing with it.
Perhaps it's the time spent with myself reflecting.
Any way you look at it, fabric brings me joy and my husband can often hear me squeal with delight(did I say that was only done during childhood?) and excitement. Yes he rolls his eyes and thinks me a fruitloop at those times, but he's supportive :)

He doesn't mind that I have yards and yards and yards and yards of fabric taking up space in this already crowded house.
Shall I share?

I'm going to give away a nice little bundle of hard to find fabrics.
I can assure you there will be munki, heather ross, denise schmidt, japanese lovelies, and so on.

There is however...a catch.
Please leave a comment on this post telling me of your favorite childhood memory or your favorite fabric and why it is so special to you.
I will close comments saturday evening around the time when I am able to peel the kiddos off of me plop them into their beds so I can finally shower and feel sane before melting into a chair and zoning out and drooling over fabric on my favorite flickr group, Oh I mean around bedtime.

I would also love to see the fabric sewn up and would rather not see it sold or swapped.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Some of the following pics are pretty terrible, but I didn't feel the need to change lenses in the midst of my vacation enjoyment...shame on me ;)


random extra Fq's and pieces

























Glorious fun time had by me ;)


Footloose and cancer free


Oh MY!!! Triple yolker.....my chickens love me


Happy Mail....hubby must love me too


some little man brought home a pig launcher, ouch

treasures

Well, I guess you might have noticed there was no giveaway.
Let me tell you about that.
My hubby whisked the kids and I away for a weekend on the beach.
He rented a little cabin on a lake near the ocean.
It was heaven, yet it was hectic. It was relaxing, but it was chaotic.
I'm glad to be home and I wish we were still there.

The internet connection there was sssssoooooooooooooooo ssssssllllloooowwwwwwwwww.
Seriously. I wrote this great post(I thought) and while loading up it died, lost connection. AARrrgggghhhhh. I'm going to try again this friday.
I need to catch up the watering on my garden, love on my chickens, wash the sand from our clothing, and put my feet up and not think. For two seconds at least.

We pulled into the drive this evening and I was happily and peacefully exhausted.
In the mail I found the most wonderful treasure.
I have made many wonderful friends through my love of sewing.
Claudia is one of the sweetest new friends I have been blessed to get to know. She sent me a lovely necklace made by a very talented etsy seller.
I am so thankful yet shocked. I just sat there and cried.
Perhaps it was the kind message she slipped in, perhaps it was the bittersweet end to a much needed break, perhaps I'm just more sentimental with each passing year(hubby tells me I'm old), or maybe I just didn't realize that someone would think I'm special.
I like to give things that make people happy. Oh it brings me the greatest joy.
I forget sometimes how times are changing and often kindness doesn't matter. It's often more about what you can get.....
I doubt I'm making much sense as I'm barely keeping my eyelids open to write this.
I will have many pics tomorrow and stories from the sea.
Claudia thank you from the bottom of my heart, I am so glad that we found one another.
The necklace is lovely and I will treasure it.



Thank you to all of the wonderful new friends I have made on the swappy poo group and thank you to all of my wonderful sewing mama friends who have been with me for three years and who have always had and ear to lend, advice to help, or kind words to lift my spirits. Thank you. I am truly blessed to be a part of the online community of sewing friends. Good night girls.

Oh and don't even think I went to the ocean without stopping at the quilt and fabric shops on the way ;)

Fabric giveaway

Blogger ate it.

I will try again in the am.
Sorry girlies.
I promise it will be worth it.
;)

Parenting

Where have I been?
My internet was down. A whole week. But thankfully I still have my hair, not for lack of trying to pull it all out.

It has been a rough few months.
In january I nealry lost my daughter, my son has an anxiety issue concerning a cancer relapse, my youngest has been an absolute terror, learning from the older kids, my middle child having her meltdowns, struggling with emotional hurts, my youngest daughter feeling invisible, myself thinking perhaps I'm on the verge of a true nervous breakdown......yet NOT.

Yet we carry on and welcome each and every day with a smile and hope for the future.

Yesterday my hubby and I decided to buy our kiddos a trampoline.
I never had one as a child and we've never owned one as parents.
We have many friends with them and the kids adore them, jumping for hours, learning tricks etc... coming home exhausted, melting into bed.... content.

As we were leaving the store and loading the trampoline into our truck a woman walked nearby with her children.
I was shocked and appalled by the way she spoke.
To sum it up she told her children this
" let me tell you kids that I will never buy you one of those awful things. They are very dangerous, little boys and girls always get hurt and break their bones, responsible moms and dads would never buy something for their kid that would intentionally hurt them...........blah blah blah.........

This was not all I overheard, yet to each her own I guess. That is her opinion.
I do not believe for one second it is the fault of the trampoline that inflicts pain and cuases accidents. I am not one of those people that is buying this for my kids as a babysitter.
My children will be supervised and there are a few rules for safety and it has an enclosure. I will allow my children to form and express opinions of their own.
No room for ignorance in my life. I do not try to mold my children into whom I think they should be...I merely try to set a good example and teach them what I know. They are not under my thumb. I hated being treated that way as a child.
I have never in my life felt more alive and curious. These past few months have taught me more than I ever expected.


Today we visit an intentional educational community.
I am reading lessons on Permaculture.



The garden is coming along beautifully. The leeks amaze me.

I have had a visitor lately. An unwanted visitor indeed.



A few pics










I love that my kids get so dirty, covered in dirt and popcicle juice and so on
When I first became a parent I worried over every little thing.
Now I know that I must let them play and get good and dirty if they so choose.
I have also learned that dirtier children are healthier children. Their little bodies are better able to fight off illness.






Leeks are growing so very well.




Here is a form of therapy for my son who is in remission from ALL Leukemia.
He has severe anger isues that we are told may be from his medication during treatment, as well as liver and spleen issues. He has recently developed anxiety and worries about the cancer returning.
I'm trying to help him focus and direct that energy somewhere positive.
Thus far he is open to anything and loves a challenge.
My two eldest kiddos have begun therapy. I'm thankful.


If you made is this far I appreciate you. It truly helps me to lay these feelings down and put them into words.
I will be having a giveaway this Friday to celebrate my daughters jr high graduation.
Stay tuned.