Structure and Discipline

Does anyone have any to spare. I seriously need a dose of each.
I've now been staying home with my kiddos for ten years....yep...ten whole long years :)

I've gotten to the point where I do what I like. Problem is that nothing gets done.
I start a million and one projects and more often than not, they don't get finished.
We need a plan. If anybody has any good advice I would love to hear it.

I'm tempted to begin some sort of chore board for myself. Perhaps a reward system is in order. All my chores done...woohoo a trip to the seed company alone etc...

When I was a child I always told myself that when I grew up I would do what I want when I want. You know.....honestly...(good thing my mom doesn't read this)...it isn't half as gratifying "being my own boss" as I had envisioned it to be :)

I also need a plan for my little guy. He still has another year before school starts. If I have to spend another year here looking at these trees for half the day, well then I might just go bonkers. I love my son, yet talking to a four year old and no one else day in and day out might not be the healthiest lifestyle.
"What's that you say...Obama is President? Why no I didn't know that...but did you know Hannah Montana is really the daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus...oh remember his cute little dance and his mullet?" and Blah dee blah dee blah.

My most recent plan is to volunteer at the local community center.
I'm off to find out about that in the morning. YAY...adult conversation.

This weekend is canning weekend. Finally..suddenly... I have red tomatoes, hundreds and hundreds of them.
My plan is salsa, ketchup, spaghetti sauce, tomatoe sauce, etc.....oh fun fun.

To our suprise a sweet little chick was born. A black ball of feathers and cute as can be. Now how to protect him or her from the cranky bossy hens.

It's almost garlic planting time.

I've been working on a few quilt blocks.......














thrift store find for my girlie girl and I to have tea time.



Have a great weekend.

Balance

Finding balance here tonight.
There has been this struggle taking place inside of me.
I read blogs....love many of them and kept asking myself why my life couldn't be more like theirs.

Think I've figured it out. It's about balance.
Yes I would like a calm serene family setting.

To find my kiddos lounging around playing with their waldorf toys...reading...talking...laughing...
Heres my reality check.

I have five kids. 5. 12345

It's just not going to happen.

The two teens came into my house already set in their own ways.
Selfish, angry, snotty, uppity, know-it-all ways :)
The little ones have been learning from them.



I'm working on changing all of that. It's my mission.

I found my balance here, or rather realised it was already in existence.
I'm face down on the massage table and my therapist says to me...
"Amy, I think you have a wonderful life. You've got it all under control. When you come in you always have fun stories to share and you laugh often when you're telling them. Yep...I think you've got something special"

It dawned on me right then.
Everything is going to be ok.
We are not perfect.
There are wrestling screaming tickling fighting biting scratching name calling events that take place in my house.
And it's ok.

Oh and hey....we all kiss and say I love you at bedtime...all is forgiven.

Garden pests and life changes

Cucumber beetles have taken up residence in my garden.
Leaves are wilting and plants are dying.
This has been my tester garden for this new to me area.
The Pacific Northwest. I just can't keep up with the beetles.
I've found great pleasure in squashing them, but there are just too many.
I've tried two handfuls of all natural sprays and remedies.
My goal was to raise and preserve all my own food.
At this point I'm not sure how much I can save.
Perhaps I will shift my idea to purchase as much as I can at the pick your own and farmers market and still can and freeze what we need for the winter.

Curious about my potatoes, I harvested a few and sure enough....some were holey and home to something.
What a let down. We've always had success in the past with our gardens.
It has truly been a learning experience.
We were able to enjoy many types of lettuces. The beetles don't seem to like lettuce.
Chard on the other hand, they devoured.
I'm going to take a few pics today in the garden so I can share with you the devastation and what the little buggers look like.
At first the kids thought they were pretty yellow ladybugs. Nope!!

I'm thinking of selling most of my sewing supplies, including hundreds of yards of fabric. My neurologist has told me that I need a new hobby. I'm pretty sure the computer was also on the list of what not to do. I'm still considering. I enjoy sewing so much, as well as my time chatting with new online friends. Yet I would like to explore new things. Maybe a little volunteer work is in my future. There is a local womens shelter and I do have past experience with domestic violence.

I'm trying to be more compassionate.
The little man smashed his finger in the truck door last night.
It was a sleepless night for all. I will admit I enjoy when they still allow me to mother them :)

Off to confront those beetles.

Summer Living and Loving

I'm checking in.
These last couple weeks have been bittersweet.
My latest trip to the neurologist didn't give the the news I was hoping for and my little guys recent trip to the allergist didn't put my mind at ease a bit.
Now in addition to walnuts, my little man has an anaphylactic reaction to peanuts.
He tested positive to all tree nuts and coconut.
I was going to post about coconut bliss.....my new fave ice cream.
Being dairy free is hard enough and I finally found an ice cream that was beyond amazing....YUM.
Now it's off the list and I sadly tossed it out.
I try to stay positive and remind myself that our life is good.
It's been worse. My child with cancer was worse. Not being able to get out of my bed was worse. These days it's all good. I can handle it. It's all good.

I've been loving my recent thrift store finds.
My garden is like a forest. The weeds are kicking my rear.
One more sweet little hen has turned out to be a rooster, bringing the total to three.
The cherry trees are producing as well as the other fruit trees.
My flowers are in full bloom.


The Oregon Country Faire was wonderful. It poured, thunder, lightning...the whole works and people were still laughing, dancing, walking barefoot through mud six inches deep. Myself included. My feet were so soft when I got home, lol and dirty heheh.

My hubby stayed with the kiddos. I'm not ready for them to see all the naked people.
It's not that I have any reason. Perhaps I wanted to enjoy the time with my best friend.

I have lived all these 35 years without realizing I had a sister.
Well.....I do have a brother and sister but they were put up for adoption before I was born and I don't know what path their lives took.

My mother was very young when I was born. She left my father when I was still a bun :) He was a cheater and later I learned much more that makes him someone I'm unable to love.
My grandmother was killed when I was one. I feel that my mother was still a girl herself.
My mother and my aunt through marriage lived together as roomates.
When Shelly was born I had just turned two a few days previous.
She was the most beautiful little thing. All black hair, porcelain skin and the bluest eyes I've ever seen.
We were raised together as cousins, but more like sisters. I remember always being together...from playing barbies with handmade clothes to dance class when we were a bit older....to cruising and running around town with boys. I never realized we were anything alike.
I was so isolated once my mother remarried. I think I was about 7, maybe 8 when things went bad. I know I was in third grade. I saw Shelly less and less.
Oh anyway to make a long... very very long sad story short.
I never knew that she put me on a pedestal. I never knew how much she looked up to me, loved and respected me.
Most of all. I never knew how alike we are.
Always we are on the same page. Sometimes we show up wearing exactly the same thing.
We have very similar beliefs and ideas. Never in all these years without her have I laughed as much as I have since we've been together again.
We decided to move here together. Her family and mine. Hoping we would all love one another. At first we all lived in the same house. WOW. What a mess.
We didn't know one another and everyone was walking on eggshells. You know what happens when you assume ;p
In the end it all turned out better than we ever dreamed.
This is the place I was meant to be. I love it here.
My cousin/sister/friend is my constant companion when our hubbies are working or when we just need to get away.

We love our yoga, our incense, our farmers markets, tea, baking, going to the pick your own, sewing, gardening.........so very much. I haven't had a best friend(aside from my husband who doesn't count, lol) since I was young.

So this is the summer of my dreams. Warm and alive and refreshing.
I am changing, growing, healing, learning......
There is so much I do not understand about myself.
I have been so alone, a mom and nothing else.
Shelly helps me to stay balanced and not be afraid. She is always nearby with a kind word or a joke to lift my spirits. She understands and doesn't judge.
The best thing is that she brings back the best memories of childhood, the innocence, the hope, the dreaming. I had forgotten to dream.
So for now I am learning to love myself, trust myself and enjoy time with my children without allowing motherhood to overwhelm me.
Yet at the same time all I want to do this week is sit on my swing and watch the kids run and play and giggle as they hope and dream and love me back.

I'm learning that it is not selfish to take a few moments for myself.
Yet I will never take for granted the moments that aren't.

Overwhelmed

Did you ever have one of those days.....

I have so much to do that I have no idea where to start.
I tried to stay in bed today. Thought I'd just wait it out until tomorrow, lol.
The idea was quickly thrown out the window by my kids.

I enjoyed all of your comments so very much. Many of you brought tears to my eyes and I could often envision you back in that very moment.
How I miss my youth, yet not ;)

My hubby advised me to leave the contest open until tomorrow.
I will announce the winner monday morning. Mondays need some happiness.

Have a wonderful Fathers day.

I didn't have a dad, but I had a grandpa and he was my sunshine.
Oh how I miss him. Use to let me eat the carrots right out of the garden he did, yep.
If I ran into him in town he would pull his pockets inside out and dump all his change into my little hands, oh and sometimes he had rollos, mmmmmm.....chocolate.
We were camping and fishing partners. He showed his love for me in every little thing he did. I wasn't able to spend as much time with him as I would have liked.
I was kept pretty isolated, but I won't bore you with that nonsense.
My mom raised me the best she knew how for a young girl who's mother had just been killed. She loves me in her own special way and I respect her for that.

My grandpa passed away in 2001. I've missed him every day since.
Who's going to make my cherry chip birthday cakes and teach me about gardening, making salsa and smoking jerky?
I miss you Grandpa.
If you were here I'd sit on the arm of your easy chair like always and listen to your voice crack as you spoke with those tears in your eyes. So very sentimental. I think I got that from you.
Happy Father Day.

Parenting

Where have I been?
My internet was down. A whole week. But thankfully I still have my hair, not for lack of trying to pull it all out.

It has been a rough few months.
In january I nealry lost my daughter, my son has an anxiety issue concerning a cancer relapse, my youngest has been an absolute terror, learning from the older kids, my middle child having her meltdowns, struggling with emotional hurts, my youngest daughter feeling invisible, myself thinking perhaps I'm on the verge of a true nervous breakdown......yet NOT.

Yet we carry on and welcome each and every day with a smile and hope for the future.

Yesterday my hubby and I decided to buy our kiddos a trampoline.
I never had one as a child and we've never owned one as parents.
We have many friends with them and the kids adore them, jumping for hours, learning tricks etc... coming home exhausted, melting into bed.... content.

As we were leaving the store and loading the trampoline into our truck a woman walked nearby with her children.
I was shocked and appalled by the way she spoke.
To sum it up she told her children this
" let me tell you kids that I will never buy you one of those awful things. They are very dangerous, little boys and girls always get hurt and break their bones, responsible moms and dads would never buy something for their kid that would intentionally hurt them...........blah blah blah.........

This was not all I overheard, yet to each her own I guess. That is her opinion.
I do not believe for one second it is the fault of the trampoline that inflicts pain and cuases accidents. I am not one of those people that is buying this for my kids as a babysitter.
My children will be supervised and there are a few rules for safety and it has an enclosure. I will allow my children to form and express opinions of their own.
No room for ignorance in my life. I do not try to mold my children into whom I think they should be...I merely try to set a good example and teach them what I know. They are not under my thumb. I hated being treated that way as a child.
I have never in my life felt more alive and curious. These past few months have taught me more than I ever expected.


Today we visit an intentional educational community.
I am reading lessons on Permaculture.



The garden is coming along beautifully. The leeks amaze me.

I have had a visitor lately. An unwanted visitor indeed.



A few pics










I love that my kids get so dirty, covered in dirt and popcicle juice and so on
When I first became a parent I worried over every little thing.
Now I know that I must let them play and get good and dirty if they so choose.
I have also learned that dirtier children are healthier children. Their little bodies are better able to fight off illness.






Leeks are growing so very well.




Here is a form of therapy for my son who is in remission from ALL Leukemia.
He has severe anger isues that we are told may be from his medication during treatment, as well as liver and spleen issues. He has recently developed anxiety and worries about the cancer returning.
I'm trying to help him focus and direct that energy somewhere positive.
Thus far he is open to anything and loves a challenge.
My two eldest kiddos have begun therapy. I'm thankful.


If you made is this far I appreciate you. It truly helps me to lay these feelings down and put them into words.
I will be having a giveaway this Friday to celebrate my daughters jr high graduation.
Stay tuned.

Moody Mama

Oops, sorry. I have been garden planning, caring for seedlings, caring for sick kiddos, baking too many batches of chocolate chip cookies and not updating my blog.

Some of my girlie's test results came in.

The liver function test came back normal WOOHOO!! and Whew!! Let's just say I am so so very thankful. We are still waiting on a couple other things. We are staying positive.

My mood has been up and down. Physical therapy is seriously taking it's toll on me. I've woken up in the middle of the night just gasping, trying to calm myself down and use the appropriate muscles for breathing....it's not easy when you're half asleep.

I'm sore and tired and feeling very old.....yet I'm content with life.

Today I was driving down the road to pick up my kiddos from school.

(Yes I wish I could say I home school or unschool my children, but I'm afraid that would leave all of us a bit loopy). As I was sitting at a red light I noticed a couple walking on the sidewalk.

They seemed lost in one another, hand holding, grinning. Her hair was ever so slightly blowing on the breeze and it seemed almost surreal. They seemed oblivious to the traffic, construction, noise and people around them. I imagined that someday that would be me.

I would guesstimate they were in their mid forties.

Were that my husband and myself.......it would have been a different story.

I would have been worried about my saggy knees and my pasty skin, tugging at my too tight shorts since all my clothes are suddenly too tight, annoyed by the traffic and the people all in a hurry to get somewhere. The sun would have been making me squint and that wrinkle between my eyes would get deeper. Yes that's me. The worrier. The one who stresses. I wonder if being a mom for the last fourteen years has made me who I am?

Then again. I'm ok with that. I'm happy. Strangely so it would seem, lol.

Telling myself everyday that everything is going to be ok. I will be well again.

Reminding myself of the beauty all around me.

Sometimes I feel there are two of me.

If it were another day I might have been just as happy as she. Grinning and thanking my lucky stars for all I have been blessed with.

Most days I notice the most simple of things...grass blowing, sound of the wind in the trees, new freckles on the tip of my daughters nose,the scent of the earth, many things that I remember noticing and appreciating as a girl. Why suddenly are all of these things coming back to me.

Well, I don't know the answer, but I'm thankful they have.

Perhaps I haven't lost quite as many brain cells in childbirth as suspected.

Still... lost more than I could spare though, heheh.

I've been going in circles. I have so much to do and I start one project only to abandon it for somehting that seems suddenly more important.

I wish someone would come over and tell me what to do.

I have about ten sewing projects started as well as a garden half planned out.

Perhaps I need to just shut my thinking brain off for the weekend and just sit back and see what unfolds.

I've been laying on the swing outside lately as my hubby rototills the garden. It's all I can do.

I've shoveled, raked, been planting,etc...and now I have strict orders of no more than 40 minutes per day. Fine with me. For now.

It seems to me that our hens think of my hubby as a sort of pied piper.

He walks to the garden with the rototiller and they surround him like he's famous.

Here are some photos I have snapped lately.

Loving his kitty on the swing.

Ruby. One of our hens. She's pretty bossy.

Path to the gardens.


First he admires it holding it gently.....

Then ..........



Vintage sheet for some quilt squares and perhaps a matching nightgown for my girl


He watches over me...can you see the blue sky in his left eye?




Trellises and tomatoe cages I made from found items and branches

Arbor also made from branches from having the trees trimmed.

Just another view



One of the pullets(was a pullet :) is laying WOOHOO..isn't it teeny tiny



comparing it to these

I'm really trying to get motivated for a couple tutorials.

I've gotten the patterns cut out and everything, but the seedling are crowding me right out of my sewing room. I'm going to pretend that I can bend over and happily cut fabric without wincing and that I might actually have the strength to sew and breathe at the same time.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, :)

Have a wonderful weekend.

Is it Spring yet?

Madness.....that's what it's been like around here.

Sometimes I find no words that make sense...no matter how I try, lol....it's this theory I have about childbirth and brain cells...but it's my story, heheh.

My seedlings are reaching, reaching, reaching their little necks out for some sunshine, only it's not to be found. Gray skies....that's all we've had.

Veggie seedlings

This morning my little man woke me up and said "mama it snowed", sure enough.....outside was a blanket of white. Crazy Oregon weather.

Thought I would again share some pics of recent goings on.

Got the chance to sew up a pair of gardening gloves from Weekend Sewing, did I already mention that? It's so not easy to photograph ones own hand with only 50mm or 85 mm lenses ;)

Once I had a fabric stash the nearly size of Canada(no joke), but slowly it's been shrinking...it's hard to see some of it go, yet we really needed to put the money toward immediate needs.

not much left in the way of hard to finds and what I do have...is for me.

This is probably not even an 1\8 of my stash

These are my knits. Some of them, lol.

You can't see the lower shelves of all eco fabrics, my hemp jerseys etc........ love love love those.....you can find them here.

I was very selfish and frivolous.....not there anymore... I've had this stash for a few years...

Favorite Vw's....love VW's and someday I'm going to have a real one, not barbie sized :)

short sleeve camp shirts

My reliable workhorse....rocketeer

My baby..featherweight

I'm looking forward to some princess and the pea fabric soon to make the girls some nightgowns.

Heather Ross's far far away line.

I haven't been buying fabric......sort of learned my lesson and am far too frugal these days to pay much for fabric unless it's for a special occasion or something much needed.

Too often I would buy and hoard all the popular fabrics and I wouldn't even sew them up.

Too afraid to cut into them.

I have more of a thing for vintage fabrics and even sheets...I cut those up with great joy.

We were able to rototill the garden spot a bit this past weekend before it starting pouring.

That's the plan for the coming week. Rototill and get the raised beds made.

I've made several tomato cages out of fencing I found out in the woods.

I also made some cute ladder type trellises out of limbs that were cut from the trees.

:) need to take pics of those.

Here are a few random pics.

mama made blueberry banana rice milk smoothies.....

These are little mushroom planters made of terracotta.



Newest member of our family.


Fresh eggs every morning.......

Plotting.......???????

Bad kitty (Don't worry, this doesn't happen anymore)

Likes to be the squirter, not the squirtee

You ever see that cartoon with the two bunnies...the "what?" one, lmao........