Friday, January 22, 2010

Crying

Thank you to all of our friends who have left comments and emailed.

To clarify, the loss was not one of my children.

I'd like to share the story, but as I've been crying off and on all day, today will not be the day.
We are healing and getting back into the swing of everyday life. It seems almost surreal and I'm still stuck on "why" yet I know that I cannot stop living.

Last thursday was my "me" day. It was a girls day out shopping, exploring and welcoming a new life in a new place.
We were sitting in a cafe and watching the news about Haiti. Numbness is what I felt then.....I thought what can I do? There is a tendency in me to distance myself from pain.....my companion and I, we spoke of those who carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

that night turned out to be one of the worst in my life.

I've cried for one week. I've cried, screamed, slept, begged, prayed, laughed, lost my breath, hugged my children tighter than ever, pushed them away like never before, threatened to walk away from my life and finally opened my heart to all the pain in the world and let all the hurt, anger, confusion and frustration pour out.

I cry. That's my new hobby. But you know what? It helps.

This blog has never become as it was intended.
It seems more of a diary of sorts and list of to do...it was the ear of a friend, a shoulder to cry on....the place to laugh and share about my family.

not sure if I will be back or begin fresh with another blog....sticking to some rules about over sharing :) just don't know right now

I want to give and that isn't what I've been doing. I surely don't want to give sadness.


2010 was supposed to be my fresh start :)
I'm a believer in things happening for a reasona and that there is already a plan....I'm just trying to stay on the right path....

6 comments:

  1. Crying does help, it really does. You have to feel what you feel and not try to hold it back - although I imagine that is difficult when you have kids and responsibilities. Keeping busy helps too, and surrounding yourself with people who care about you. I remember after my sister died I felt like it was the only thing that filled my head for such a long long time, and then when I finally could start to think about other things I would suddenly remember and it was like a physical blow.
    It's a bit of a cliche, but just take it one day at a time.
    xxx

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  2. I'm so sorry! Crying does help.

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  3. Dear Amy, What you are sharing is REAL and important. I wish that comfort could turn back time but I can't offer anything but prayer and a shoulder. Your blog was the very first blog I had ever read..........didn't even know blogs existed til my daughter showed me what I could do with my new laptop. I would miss you so much............I have been searching for you over the last week-worried about your recovery. Please hang on to your family and allow healing to occur. Please consider blogging and if you are to start over, please offer a link.............don't want to lose you. Praying for God's Peace!

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  4. Crying is very powerful. I rarely cry. I always fear that if I start, I will not be able to stop. Your words are inspirational. I might find myself a quiet little spot and just let it all out. Thank you for sharing.

    Hugs, annax

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  5. Hi Amy~
    I miss YOU!!

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