Monday, December 7, 2009

Tea and Change

Today was an amazing day. It was calm and productive.
I awoke to frost and rushed out to break ice for the animals and make sure everyone was safe.
Sadly I found that my favorite hen had been abducted by raccoons.

Walking into a pen of feathers is indeed sad.
She was missed during head count :(
I gathered up all the hoses and what not from the garden. It was put off day after day.
This is the reason I want to move to town. Less on my own shoulders.
Perhaps when the kids marry and have children of their own, I can live this lifestyle again :)

My son helped me to unwind soakers and lay them to thaw in the sun.
We cozied the bunny up in an empty chicken coop with water and food and lots of bedding. He was truly grinning at me when I left him.

The mint was still standing, only partially covered in frost. I brought a bit in(what I hadn't already harvested) and made mint tea. My son had been craving it and he was such a help this morning.

I sliced most of my ginger and put it in the dehydrator. The house smelled lovely of mint and ginger.

DO you recall I grew my own ginger this summer.
Put a root(or many) in some nice warm soil in a sunny loacation and it will thrive.
You can grow it indoors during the winter.
We always have ginger on hand. I keep it in the freezer and grate it over many a meal...a favorite being chicken and rice with garlic....mmmmmmmm.

I dry it for tea.
Tea is my new hobby. I've loved tea since I was girl. Back then it was Earl Grey and Constant Comment.

I grow my own herbs for tea and stevia for sweetening.

If I had the time and money for bees I'd have my own honey. For now I buy local raw :)

The kids and I cut snowflakes and painted Christmas scenes. We made long garlands and put them up in archways. I'm thinking perhaps tomorrow we will string popcorn.

Christmas has always been special to me.
I was born on Christmas eve.
My step-grandmother use to tell me how naughty I was to have been born when she was up to her elbows in pie dough. She always made divinity and many other goodies. She was a crochet-sewing-knitting-machine :)
I was not a bit interested when she wanted to teach me.
As I learned to crochet a chain I was B-O-R-E-D *yawn* I do all of those hobbies with great joy.

The special time was spent more with my grandpa. He was my friend.
He taught me to garden and to cook some things and he always, always had time for me.
Every birthday is was a cherry chip cake for me. My favorite.
I'm allergic to strawberries or it might have been you know..and little girls.........

When I think about my grandpa I miss him so much. All these memories threaten to carry me away. It saddens me greatly to know that my kids don't have what I had.
We don't have relatives to go be with during holidays. There are no invites, there are no family get togethers. No crafty grandmas are to be found. No grandpas to sit with you in the grass under the apple tree and eat carrots fresh from the earth.
If I could go the market and purchase for my children a loving family I would indeed do so. I would do it right this very minute.

I love this life....but I long for so much more. I know that's wrong of me.
I long to give my kids summers away at a cabin on a lake and winters skiing and holidays full of laughter and hugs....weekends of aunts and uncles and teasing, mischievous cousins who love you half of the time and are mad the rest, lol.
Perhaps I'm selfish in much of these longings.
I'd like a family of my own.
A father, a mother, siblings.
My father is a man who has absolutely no contact with me or my children and never will, thankfully.
My mother struggles with her own demons, having never let me in and probably never will. She lives her life happily in her own little world of friends and a particular lifestyle. She will never know me. She will more than likely never acknowledge what a horrible childhood I had, yet I do know it might have been might have been much much worse. Not that it matters. I love and respect her for what she has given me.....the greatest gift of all. Life.
I have no siblings. Once upon a time I had a brother and a sister. I don't know where in the world they ended up....if they are alive.
My father lost them when they were small. I shall never know.

I know. Shoulda, woulda, just isn't.

I'm needing Change. I'm feeling trapped and a bit lost. A bit lonely.
I am so very blessed. I know this. Never do I doubt it.

There are moments when waves of happines wash over me and I can't believe how blessed I am. I appreciate every second of my life.
I want to make it a purposeful one.
I say I too much.

My swap pillow arrived. I simply adore it.

She didn't even know I purchased these fabrics to make a quilt.

Sent mine out as well and hope my partners enjoys it.

I'm feeling this overwhelming urge to run through my house tossing everything in sight into a waste bag and giving it a toss right out my door.
My life feels cluttered. When I walk in the door of my home I feel immediate stress.
Yes I do realize that being a mother of five is stressful in itself, but there is no peace here in my home. There is no zen....if you will :)
I look around and see so much unnecessary clutter, junk, stuff.

Do we "need" it? Do we "need" even a little of it? Do we "need" any of it?
I'm ready. I'm ready to donate and recycle.

I was just telling the kids tonight,(as I moved the pile of twenty or so dirty towels to the wash) we really need twenty towels....?
Then I washed about a hundred and two socks :( Seriously.
The blankets I understand. They make sense.
Here's how it goes in my house.
Most mornings not a single comb can be found,not a matching pair of socks,not a glove or snow boot. Yet, yet....we have a zillion of all of these things.
Do we have too much? Do I give them too much? Is the reason they are not resposible with "things" because they have too many "things".
I'm very tired and stressed and tired ;) Happy and excited for the holidays....but tired.
When I go to plug in my phone, my charger is missing, to brush my hair, my brush has gone into hiding,to charge my laptop, the cord is nowhere to be found....this is how it goes....daily.

It's to the point where respect is missing as well. Manners are a thing of the past. Kindness is forgotten. I'm the maid/chef/teacher/warden/farm hand/etc...lady that no one pays a bit of attention to unless something is needed.

Most of this I can handle. I'm a mom (SUPERWOMAN)
What I can't handle is the disrepect toward me and what matters to me.
The compost is not for grease and hamburger and melted crayons.
The recycling needs to be separated.
I want paper bags and no just this one time plastic will not do.
No I don't want that brand of dish soap.
Yes I care about organic or not.
Yes you will pick up that gum you just threw on the ground( I have stepped in gum about umpteen times and everytime I get more frustrated)
No I don't want you to watch that program.
No it is not ok to do that and this and that and that other thing.

Dammit. How do I help them all to care. How do I get my point across that this is important to me. There is one thing I really want my family to learn.
I say family because as much as I love my hubby he is no different than the kiddos.
He's a tv vegging, twinkie eating(I guess he hasn't had twinkies in a while, he claims), plastic bag getting, non recycling, sock losing man.

That one thing is conscientiousness.

I'm going to make some big purchases soon.
The whole house thing is still up in the air. I'm considering building. If we can afford it..if...........if.....crossing my fingers and wishing on a star.

I'm going to help myself along in this endevor, even if it is alone.
My list goes something like this...give or take some things

Country Living Grain mill.
Food dehydrator

where is that list??? I will find it.

Aside from the fact that I want to purge purge purge..I do want some"thing".
Dear Santa...I have always had goodwill mismatchy plates and oh how I adore them....but please will you bring me just one Chirp plate.
I promise to take good care of it and keep it safe and hug it and kiss it and tell it bed time stories......

It has been so foggy and cold as of late.

Please pardon any and all PMS that may have come through in this post ;)

Eventually I will learn how to make the photos bigger....for now please click to enlarge :) night night or...... morning....or happy mid-day to you, lol.


  1. Well Miss Amy,

    I am very proud of you for your productive day!
    We definitely need to get together for that tea. Maybe you can tell me your opinions, and I can tell you mine, and talking about it all will help. I don't know what to do about the hubby. Much as we love 'em, you can't make nothin' but a man out of 'em.

    I just want to respond to every little thing in your post, but it will have to wait for tea.

  2. Katie. I knew you'd be up.
    Thank you. See you soon over a steaming cup :)

  3. I'm always struggling to keep all the stuff we have (and can't find when we need it)in some sort of order. I try to be content with a more or less orderly and a reasonably clean house. :)

  4. My home is never orderly or clean :)