Following my heart

That is what I'm trying to do. I'm listening to that tiny little voice inside of me and trying to figure out what to do.
I live in the woods. I see trees, trees and more lovely trees.
I'm lonely and feel isolated, yet............yet I love it here.
My organic garden is just big enough that I can get lost in it, we enjoy walks up to the stream through the trees, my children can run free finding salamanders, treasures from the earth and of course there are trees that need to be climbed.
This morning as I was placing my dried herbs into jars I felt overwhelming satisfaction. I make my own teas, grow my own food, enjoy eggs from our chickens, and truly I see the the forest with a childlike wonder, but it's difficult and heartbreaking while at the same time heavenly. I'm torn.
My childhood left much to be desired. I was isolated and left longing for love and companionship. These are the feelings that have resurfaced since we made the move to the country.
There are two beautiful vintage homes we have been looking at in town. Both have charm and personality, porches and wood floors, fire places or hidden rooms, swings and lovely detailing. Oh they are both so wonderful in so many ways.
The drawback? Tiny little yards. Each being less than half an acre, more near a quarter. City water, bleck!! I would miss our water. Oh our water is sent from the heavens indeed so pure and good.
Pesticides drifting over from the neighbors....on no. What a terrible thought.
Noise and nosiness, yet that could be pleasant sounds of happy bustling and friendships.
Maybe my sweet neighbor doesn't use pesticides on those roses...."would I like a bouquest or two? Well of course I would love some...I've been meaning to make some rose petal jam and won't you come over for tea?" blah de blah de blah :)
Oh this is where my bestest cousin bursts into fits of laughter because I might just be having a relapse of childhood and hallucinating to think we are playing with our barbies.....well nanner nanner to you girlie.
Yes I do so want to move to town, but at what cost?
It is possible to have in town what we have here. Most of it anyway.
I won't have the deer to gaze at and talk to, yet they also won't be having their way with my lettuce.



click to enlarge and see the intruders :)





We will have to give away many(most) of our hens. We give away or sell so many eggs anyway that I think a few less chickens is ok with me.
I won't have the woods to walk through....yet they frighten me much of the time anyway....yes I admit it. Being in the woods alone frightens me. I feel uncomforatble in my garden...not at peace as I should.
I love this life. I also know I would love a life in town. In town I can walk everywhere...therefore saving gas and staying healthy.

We could try to buy the place we are in. It is for sale...a bit high in my opinion. But what's the price for 5 acres of land, a stream, wildlife, a large pond...trees...
This is absolutely perfect if we wanted to go the permaculture route(which I would love to do).....learning more, growing, sharing.....it's so perfect, but unless I have another family or two who wants to move here and do this with us I'm leaning toward town.
Indeed I love the idea of being completely self sufficient, but I can't do it alone.
My husband works and has little to no time to help around this "farm".
Our children try to help, but they are small and end up being more work for me.
My two oldest are city kids and at this point I'm not sure if I can mold them into farm kids.....I've been trying for a year.
I would love to hear any advice you might have to offer :)


I'm not certain yet what how this will play out.
I'm a strong believer in the fact that whatever happens will happen because it was meant to be.

Here is what I have been working on, aside from herbs and such that I will be talking about on my next post :)
Sorry I haven't been around much. My hubby purchased a few new toys for me and I've been playing.