Friday, April 24, 2009

Moody Mama

Oops, sorry. I have been garden planning, caring for seedlings, caring for sick kiddos, baking too many batches of chocolate chip cookies and not updating my blog.

Some of my girlie's test results came in.
The liver function test came back normal WOOHOO!! and Whew!! Let's just say I am so so very thankful. We are still waiting on a couple other things. We are staying positive.
My mood has been up and down. Physical therapy is seriously taking it's toll on me. I've woken up in the middle of the night just gasping, trying to calm myself down and use the appropriate muscles for's not easy when you're half asleep.

I'm sore and tired and feeling very old.....yet I'm content with life.

Today I was driving down the road to pick up my kiddos from school.

(Yes I wish I could say I home school or unschool my children, but I'm afraid that would leave all of us a bit loopy). As I was sitting at a red light I noticed a couple walking on the sidewalk.

They seemed lost in one another, hand holding, grinning. Her hair was ever so slightly blowing on the breeze and it seemed almost surreal. They seemed oblivious to the traffic, construction, noise and people around them. I imagined that someday that would be me.

I would guesstimate they were in their mid forties.
Were that my husband and would have been a different story.

I would have been worried about my saggy knees and my pasty skin, tugging at my too tight shorts since all my clothes are suddenly too tight, annoyed by the traffic and the people all in a hurry to get somewhere. The sun would have been making me squint and that wrinkle between my eyes would get deeper. Yes that's me. The worrier. The one who stresses. I wonder if being a mom for the last fourteen years has made me who I am?

Then again. I'm ok with that. I'm happy. Strangely so it would seem, lol.

Telling myself everyday that everything is going to be ok. I will be well again.

Reminding myself of the beauty all around me.

Sometimes I feel there are two of me.

If it were another day I might have been just as happy as she. Grinning and thanking my lucky stars for all I have been blessed with.

Most days I notice the most simple of things...grass blowing, sound of the wind in the trees, new freckles on the tip of my daughters nose,the scent of the earth, many things that I remember noticing and appreciating as a girl. Why suddenly are all of these things coming back to me.

Well, I don't know the answer, but I'm thankful they have.

Perhaps I haven't lost quite as many brain cells in childbirth as suspected.

Still... lost more than I could spare though, heheh.

I've been going in circles. I have so much to do and I start one project only to abandon it for somehting that seems suddenly more important.

I wish someone would come over and tell me what to do.

I have about ten sewing projects started as well as a garden half planned out.

Perhaps I need to just shut my thinking brain off for the weekend and just sit back and see what unfolds.

I've been laying on the swing outside lately as my hubby rototills the garden. It's all I can do.

I've shoveled, raked, been planting,etc...and now I have strict orders of no more than 40 minutes per day. Fine with me. For now.

It seems to me that our hens think of my hubby as a sort of pied piper.

He walks to the garden with the rototiller and they surround him like he's famous.

Here are some photos I have snapped lately.

Loving his kitty on the swing.

Ruby. One of our hens. She's pretty bossy.

Path to the gardens.

First he admires it holding it gently.....

Then ..........

Vintage sheet for some quilt squares and perhaps a matching nightgown for my girl

He watches over me...can you see the blue sky in his left eye?

Trellises and tomatoe cages I made from found items and branches

Arbor also made from branches from having the trees trimmed.

Just another view

One of the pullets(was a pullet :) is laying WOOHOO..isn't it teeny tiny

comparing it to these

I'm really trying to get motivated for a couple tutorials.
I've gotten the patterns cut out and everything, but the seedling are crowding me right out of my sewing room. I'm going to pretend that I can bend over and happily cut fabric without wincing and that I might actually have the strength to sew and breathe at the same time.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, :)
Have a wonderful weekend.

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